This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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