I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
