if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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