Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
