I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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