Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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