All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
