it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
