I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
