Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
