In America we eat man semen.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize