she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize