If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
