I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
