I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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