I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
