lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
You left your phone here
Wait...
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
