Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
