i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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