tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Drunk is not a location!
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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