he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
