Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
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