If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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