i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize
