the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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