i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
