Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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