her vagine was all disorganized.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
