i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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