a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
