Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
