I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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