The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
