my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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