Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
