that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
