so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
