Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
