I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
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