I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
