she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
