I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
porn star boner night. come get it.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
