i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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