My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
