I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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