i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
