I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I think people are normalizing furries
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
