You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
My ass is underappreciated
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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