My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Randomize
