Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
