Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
