After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
