Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
