he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
