Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
