who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
