You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
