So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize