wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
