He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
