I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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