I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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