Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
