dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
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