The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
