this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
