my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I fill condoms, not promises.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
