I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
