he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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