it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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