I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
