You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Moan for me like Helen Keller
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
