the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize