chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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