it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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