I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
