guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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