I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
