Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
im about as happy as oj after his trial
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
