i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
