guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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