you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Randomize
