When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
How's work?
Spinning.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
