I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
