u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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