So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
